Thanks for your patience we are almost there…

Very soon the online ordering system will be finalized and you will be able to buy Rick’s books using Bitcoin, how sweet is that! Once the site is finished Rick will start to give some live updates from his latest adventure, until then we will re release some of Ricks previous posts, enjoy…

P.S.  Next we will talk about how Rick will be launching exciting new content on STEEMIT,  but thats for another post…

Ok here is the first of Ricks previous posts (PART 1 OF 2)

Monthly Archives: November 2009

THINGS CONSTRUCTION WORKERS HAVE TOLD ME. PART 2

“I was working as a QC (Quality Control) in Hong Kong. The only white guy on the job.

The manager where I was working came around on Friday night and asked us all to work overtime.”

“I said no.”

“Why?” He says.

“Look I’m married, and my wife will spend all my paycheque plus a dollar. All I’m doing is making her very happy back in England.”

“When that was translated, every guy in the control room was nodding, every guy.”

WHEN DO THEY FIND THE BODY?

So a couple of years ago, I took a nice lady that worked in a publishing house to lunch. Let’s call her ‘The Gatekeeper’. Her job was to open the manuscripts and give it a brief going over. ‘Going over’ meant that she would open the manuscript’s envelope, and read the first couple of pages. If nothing happened in the first couple of pages, she would flip through to page fourteen. If nothing happened by then, she would automatically reject the manuscript.

Hey! Hold it! You are a secretary! A Secretary!. What gives you the absolute Gaul to reject something that some poor sap has sweat blood over for a couple of years! Hey?

It’s because if I (She) wasn’t grabbed right away, the reader wouldn’t be either. The ‘engine’ of the story should start as soon as possible in the book.

“Ever watch CSI, or Law and Order?” She asked.
“Yeah.”
“When do they find the body?”

AS SHARP AS THE EDGE OF TOWN

In construction, everybody seems to have a nickname. The names run the gamut from Chicken Guts, to Wheezy to Chopper,and on and on. Today, for some reason I thought of Socks. The reason I thought of Socks, was that I was having a bad day, but Socks? Well Socks’ day turned out a whole lot worse.

Sitting in the Coronach Saskatchewan Hotel bar after work one day, Socks leaned over and pinched the ample behind of a long haired lady sitting in front of him. The long haired lady turned around; and the long haired lady turned out to be a long haired guy, who proceeded to beat the crap out of Socks.

Later on that night, Socks was actually able to pick up a young lady by buying her copious amounts of beer. So after the hotel bar closed down Socks, the young lady, and a large case of beer went over to the young lady’s apartment. Unfortunately for Socks, the woman’s husband was home. Notice I don’t call her ‘Young Lady’ anymore. Anyway, said husband took the beer, threw Socks out, and beat the crap out of him.

I think you know where this is going.

So Socks started hitchhiking back to his house in Big Beaver. There actually is a town called Big Beaver Saskatchewan, you can look it up. So Socks gets picked up by a couple of locals, who drive him way out into the prairie , roll him, and beat the crap out of him.

ATLANTA

Last year while I was driving through Atlanta Georgia; I stopped off for some fried chicken…naturally. I overheard this exchange.

“You going out on New Years Eve?”
“No. I’ll do what I always do New Years Eve. I’ll stay home, guard the house, and stay away from the windows.”

THINGS CONSTRUCTION WORKERS HAVE SAID TO ME…

“Look! I stole that equipment fair and square!”

“Whatever don’t kill me…had better wish it had!”

“I’m gunna end up in a cell with a 300 pound man named ‘Cuddles.’”

Up in Thompson Manitoba, the nickle mines have a number of health problems; one of which is ‘nickle rash.’ Nickle rash happens when nickle ore reacts with exposed skin. Most often nickle rash breaks out on your wrists, the back of your neck, around the respirator marks on your face. However one of the boilermakers I was working with had been away from his wife so long he said he was suffering from ‘nickle pickle.’

‘You helping me is like getting shaving tips from Sweeny Todd.’

“How’s your wife and my kids?”
“Wife’s fine, kids are retarded.”

I was working on that ethonal plant in Minnedosa a couple of years ago. We were all in the lunch trailer when the door slammed open, and this pipefitter comes in with an amazing story. Seems he was driving down a country road at night; with the wind howling, and a mist so thick you couldn’t see twenty feet. Suddenly the biggest and strangest looking moose jumped out in front of him. He hit the strange moose dead on. The pipefitter stops his truck and searches both ditches for the moose. He couldn’t find it. So he came into work with the front end of his truck absolutely demolished; babbling about that strange looking dissappearing moose. Next morning the local newspaper read; EXOTIC DONKEY, KILLED BY HIT AND RUN!

‘Go ahead… show me on the doll.’

 

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